Fat Bloke

Weight loss tips, from a fat bloke? Has the world gone mad? Would you eat in a restaurant that had a thin chef? Would you go to see an eye specialist with cataracts? Come on, who is trying to kid who here!

Ok, I’ll spill the beans. The whole purpose of this post is to prove to you that even a fat bloke like me can at least think about losing some weight and to do that he’s gonna need some tips on how to do it, right? So hand onto your hats, folks, cause this is gonna sound pretty strange, at least from where I’m sitting!

I admit that I need to lose about thirty pounds to gtet back to looking like just a mildly fat bloke, instead of this very fat bloke that stares back at me in the mirror. That’s gonna take some hard work and to be honest, at first I didn’t want to know. Would you? I kinda like sitting around all day, playing computer games, watching TV and eating a load of junk food. I like junk food!

Problem is I guess it don’t like me too much, so I’m gonna have to rethink my strategy here. Was a time when being fat wasn’t much of a problem for me cause I could get around just fine and felt ok. But just lately, I started finding that getting out of bed in the morning was hard and I was getting problems with gout.

Gout!

Jeez, that’s for old guys who drink too much red wine and port and eat too much… oh yeah, too much rich food and I guess hamburgers count there. So do pizza, fries, chocolate cake and cookies also count. Aw crap!

Anyways, I had to see a doctor and he put it on the level for me. Lose some weight ASAP or get more of the same and worse to come. Well, I kinda like being able to get around and this gout is real painful, so now I have no choice other than to heed the words of the professional guy and… man this is hard to say… go on a diet!

Not only that, but I gotta get some exercise too. Kinda hard when you foot is twice its normal size and hurts like you wouldn’t believe! But that’s the deal, so its looking at some weight loss tips for me until I can lose said thirty pounds and get rid of the gout. So I’ll be trawling around some sites to get some good tips and ideas how I should do this without it being too hard for me. Cause I’m still a lazy guy and I want to do this as painlessly as I can!

So we shall see…

Fat Bloke!

You gotta be kidding me. A diet that’s delivered to your door? Apparently not, I guess. You hear about these special super convenient diet plans all the time on TV now, from the likes of Nutrisystem and Jenny Craig where they ship all your meals in a box and you just eat it in place of your regular food.

Sounds to me like a pretty easy way to lose weight, except I can see one big problem with this diet food delivery thing. What do you do if you eat everything by lunchtime and you’re still hungry? I guess you could go into the box and borrow some stuff from tomorrow’s menu. But then you’d have an even worse problem tomorrow. Like no food to eat at all.

Oh well, nice idea, but I can’t see it being any use to me. I like to eat too much and if there isn’t plenty spare in the fridge or in the pantry, then I just go to the store and buy more. Apparently, with these diets, you’re not supposed to do that. At least not if you want to lose weight with thyme.

Oh, hang on… you’re supposed to lose weight?

Ah, so that’s what this is all about. You sign up for Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem to lose weight, not just eat a bunch of food they send you so save you hauling your lazy behind out of the chair to go to the store! So that’s the secret!

Of course, if I really wanted to get thin, which I don’t particularly, then I’m sure I would probably have to order Nutrisystem AND Jenny Craig at the same time. That’s so I’d have enough convenient diet food to eat and it would probably be less calories than I eat right now. Now that’s my kind of diet.

If I were to really get serious about losing weight, which, for the record I probably never will, but if I did, then the chances are IO would probably want to take it real slow. You might just think I said that because I’m lazy and don’t want to work hard at losing those blubbery pounds of fat. Well, okay you go t me there.

But the truth is, from what I’m hearing is that its better to lose weight slow instead of trying to lose weight fast and furiously. So I’m in the right place with my ideas that you got to pace yourself when losing weight, at least. Just the active side of me stays inactive and firmly rooted to the armchair in front of the TV. Or in this case, the laptop.

So what do you have to do if you want to lose weight but do it slow. Well, it might sound like its not much but I hear the experts tend to agree on losing just a pound a week as being the best rate of weight loss. Well, that sounds pretty good to me. No need for the diet food deliverystuff at all. It just means taking a look at some fitness DVDs of Jillian Michaels while eating a big slice of pizza. I don’t mean do anything she’s showing you to do, just sit there and watch. She’s pretty hot! After that, maybe getting up after all that mental exertion and walking to the kitchen to grab something else out of the fridge would be a cool idea cause you’d need some refreshment for sure.

All the while, remembering to avoid eating that final cream cake of the day and if you do that every day then you’re sure to lose a pound in a week. Right? You know it makes sense and you can trust that I only have my best interests at heart!

Why would anyone want to lose weight real fast? I only ask that question cause I have no comprehension of why anyone would want to put themselves through hell to lose some weight when they’ll probably only put it all back again a few weeks later.

I know of some crazy people who were only interested in a rapid weight loss strategy and if they couldn’t lose several pounds per week, they weren’t interested. That sounds pretty crazy to me, cause it would mean wither eating nothing but celery all day or spending all day in the gym so you don’t have tome to even eat the celery! Madness!

Well, maybe that’s a little off the truth but you see where I’m going with this. Who in their right minds would want to starve themselves to look good in some fashionable piece of cloth that they’ll probably only wear once anyways? What’s wrong with a XXXL t-shirt over a pair of outsize track pants? Hell, its good enough for yours truly to slob around the house in!

In fact, I think it is far better from the point of view of the health angle to slow the weight loss pace down to a crawl. You know, give up just a few little things each day but still eat pretty normally. At least you can get through the day without going to bed and staying awake all night listening to your stomach churn and whine cause there’s no darn food in it and its got nothing else to do! It must be far healthier to eat regular stuff and just cut down a little.

So like when was I so suddenly interested in health? Yeah, right. But at least I want this post to make sense so when you read it you don’t think I’m just yanking your chain, right!

Okay, there are plenty of reasons to do something about being overweight and fitting into a standard aircraft seat just happens to be one of them. yeah, I know it sucks but I had to really squeeze myself in or pay for two seats and that was not gonna happen! Anyway, I heard about diets that are so convenient, they do all the work and you just sit back, watch TV and wait for the weight to drop off. Bliss!

Then reality kicked in and it seems that its not really quite as easy as that. But hey ho, I was interested enough to take a look at some of this stuff to find out more about it. There are a few pretty good ones that deliver all the food you’ll ever need for the duration of the diet right to your front door. All you have to do is stash it away and take out each meal when you need it. Microwave it or eat it cold, depends on how hungry you are, I guess.

Only problem I can see is they only give you three meals a day. Does that mean I have to not eat pizza in between meals? I guess it does, which is a real downer for me cause I just so happen to like pizza. A lot! And then I hear the meals are pretty small in size, like three bites and they’re gone kinda small. Mm, don’t know about that but I guess if you’re going on a diet it might as well be one that is actually going to lose you some weight.

Well I wanted to know where to find the best Nutrisystem reviews, so I checked out that article right there and it pointed me at another one that blew me away. Man, I never knew a diet could be so easy, so I’m maybe gonna take a closer look at this and maybe, just maybe I might even do something crazy like get my credit card out! …I said maybe…

Fat Bloke!